Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What They Said: Different Rooms?

 So today I watched, alongside my loved ones, a very beautiful woman, in life and death, move on from this world. It was odd in some ways. I know every family, every culture, every funeral home all have their methods of this, so in this time of grief and loss, I too was forced to think along lines that people normally don't feel all that comfortable treading on. Life and Death. In my opinion, funerals are truly for the living. For it is the living who feel the need to express themselves, their love, appreciation, fondness, and yes, even sadness and pain. The funeral isn't for the dead. The dead are no more on this level as we exist. But I must say that this dear woman, if she is, or was capable of seeing from whatever plain she is on because we all have our different beliefs and I care not on proving my belief or contemplating on yours...I believe she would have been (or was, or is) pleased. She was very much loved. And she IS very much loved.
Because she may be gone...but how gone is she really. When someone moves on from this state of being, are they really truly gone. My husband spoke during the funeral and what he said resonated inside my mind for quite a long while. He said something along the lines of when we view a loved ones tombstone you see their name, perhaps a quote or sentimental name and you see two dates. A birth date and a death date. But if you truly want to know a person you don't really gain much information from those two dates. It is what is, or was between those dates that can tell you what you seek to know.
Essentially, it is the memories that we carry of the ones we love that make up who that person is to us. I will be one person and will be defined differently from my husband compared to my mother or my child. We all have and carry a person with us. So they are never truly gone, are they. They continue to live, even if only as a memory.
Still I don't know if I truly agree with this saying...that a person is merely in a different room. But I have to wonder, why not? Perhaps they are only in a different room. I suppose it is all in your belief.  And again, I'm not here to define what happens at the time of death or even after death. I'm not preachy and won't shove my ideas down your throat. Just as a funeral is for the living, I suppose the beliefs of death, during death, and after death, it too is for the living.
I could claim my Christian beliefs gives me assurance....blessed assurance, and yet is that enough? For we still experience pain, grief, heartache. Whether they are in another room or not, I am filled with grief.
Death is such a confusing state of imobility. For me, I feel terribly alone. And yet I am surrounded by people. I heard once that we are alone in the moment of death. That is a horrible thought and one which I pray is not the truth.
I know I've rambled on and on. It's my way of working through ideas, impressions, feelings, emotions.
Having read this quote, I disagree with it. We do lose our loved ones. Even when they are sitting beside us, we can lose them. And when they pass on from this state of existence, it is indeed a loss. Do I feel that this dear person is 'in another room'? Hell no. I feel a great loss. Do I feel I will see her one day. With blessed assurance, I say yes. So does that not mean she is...simply in another room? Sigh...
It's all so very unclear.
I said yesterday...that I didn't care how my own funeral was done. Let those who live on hold it in the way that gives them the most confort. I'll be gone, what does it matter? But truthfully, how can our deaths not matter to us? Do I have certain expectations? Do I wonder who will be there, what they will say. I just don't give myself time and space to think on such matters. I'm too busy living to let my death consume me. So I still say, let it be done in a way that gives others the most comfort.
Life and death....are in seperate rooms? Hmm....
I just don't know.

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