Sunday, March 10, 2013

Lemons, Rain and an Occasional Bucket

By JccKeith

Things that make you go hmmm.  When the going gets tough, the tough get going.  There are things you complain about, there are things you do something about and there are things you call someone else to do something about.  When life hands you lemons…

You throw them at unsuspecting passersby because why shouldn’t you ruin someone else’s day?  Why is it that every time the sun begins to shine, some big dark cloud seems determined to block it out?  You know, there was a time in my life when I always carried an umbrella, metaphorically speaking for anyone who is not following.  Life, as it has a tendency to do, sent rain my way every now and again.  When it rained, I was prepared.

Problem is, here recently, it’s always raining.  My umbrella has long since given out and I’m getting drenched.  Quite frankly, I’m tired of rain.  I’m tired of storms.  As much as I love a little drama in life, I’m ready for some smooth sailing.  I need a nice clear day where the sun is shining. 

And yes, I said, let me repeat it, I love a little drama in life.  I am not one of those hypocritical people who claims to hate drama.  I don’t go around saying oh, I don’t want to get involved in that, too much drama.  I don’t proclaim to be level-headed.  I don’t disappear the minute things get rough and leave those affected to brave the storm alone.

No not me.  I seem to be attracted to drama.  I have the tendency to cause myself drama every so often.  What can I say, that whole straight line, everything is black and white, fall into place and go along to get along kind of living is just not for me.

I guess you could say I was never cut out to fit in.

There is a difference between not fitting in and standing out.  People who stand out are people who are just born to shine.  They have that special something about them.  People who don’t fit in are usually odd and unusual.  If they’re rich, they are called eccentric.  If they are not, they’re just weird. 

But enough definitions.  Let’s get back to my rant.  Because today is my day.  Today I get to rant.  Today when I woke up the sun was shining and I felt great.  I was having a great day.

And then…

And then I didn’t have enough gas to get to the basketball game.  So I had to stop and get gas.  This is not a bad thing in and of itself.  The problem is I have a tendency to wait till the last minute to leave for things (an example of me creating my own drama.)  So stopping for gas made us late for the game.

When I arrived home from the game, I discovered that my downstairs toilet was clogged.  Literally, it could become a very shitty day.  Now truthfully, I knew this would happen.  I also knew, for the last few months, that this was inevitable.  Over the last few months, the toilet in the downstairs bathroom had begun to gurgle.

Not my plumber but he looks
It gurgles when it is becoming clogged.  As it becomes more clogged, it begins to have no water in the bowl (I have no idea why that is.)  Then it begins to stop up and take a while to drain.  And then ultimately, as it did today, it stops up and nearly refuses to drain.

The thing you have to understand about this toilet and pipes is they are a continuous problem. Every year, once a year, tree roots from the water maple in the front yard grow through the pipes and cause a clog.  As the roots grow, the clog increases.  As this clog increases, the toilet downstairs has increasing problems. 

Eventually the pipes will completely be filled with roots and be completely clogged.  At this point, when I run the washing machine in the utility room next to the downstairs bathroom, when a toilet is flushed upstairs, when the shower runs upstairs – pretty much anything – the downstairs floods.

A plumber must be called.  Plumbers cost a lot of money, particularly on Saturdays.  And it is difficult to even get one to call you back on a Saturday.  I can’t say I blame them.  Sure they make a lot of money, but come on, everyone wants the weekend off.

Alas, I called our plumber.  He did not call me back.  Again, I can’t say I blame him, it is a Saturday.  The problem is, it is Saturday.  People come over to my house on Saturdays.  They use the downstairs toilet because well, I don’t want them using the upstairs bathroom because it is upstairs. 

Now I seriously considered simply placing a bucket in the downstairs bathroom for these guests.  I mean, hey, why not?  If it was good enough for people in the middle ages then surely it is good enough for guests now.  Isn’t the old saying something about as long as you have a pot to piss in?  I wasn’t about to use any of my pots but buckets I have to spare.  My pots are of the nifty non-stick Teflon variety but buckets are better, they come in five gallon sizes.

Fortunately I discovered that I did indeed know a plumber personally.  And being a friend, he was willing to assist on a Saturday.  I cannot say enough about how important friendship is.  Friends return your calls on Saturdays.  Friends are willing to be there for you when the toilet is clogged.  Friends are willing to drive across a river to help you out.  Friends will put up with any crap you throw their way. 

Yay for friendship!
Anyway, despite the slight drizzle that was falling upon my day, I could still see the sun.  But some people are just like big dark clouds.  It’s like they see you being happy and they feel a deep desire to rain on your parade.

Negativity is a plague.  It is highly contagious.  When you add one negative person, it can ruin a whole positive day.  Some people can see a rainbow and focus only on how the colors aren’t bright enough.  They see sun and comment only on how muddy the ground is from the recent rain.  They fail to ever see a silver lining.

No, not these people.  They see only lead linings.  And lead can kill you, give you lead poisoning.  The sun will burn you and give you skin cancer.  For these people, life is just out to get you.

All I am saying is, the next time you see someone having a great day – don’t throw your lemons at them. Keep your lemons to yourself.  Make some lemonade or something – or suck on them and be miserable all by yourself.  

Never rain on someone else’s parade.  

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