Wednesday, February 27, 2013

How Dare They Snub Me!

This One is Mine
They just haven't
put my name on it yet

By JccKeith

Yes, I’d like to thank the Academy… oh wait, no I wouldn’t.  The Academy snubbed me.  

On Sunday night, I turned on the television to watch my favorite television show – The Walking Dead.  I noticed as I scrolled through the channels that the Academy Awards were on as well.  I had no idea they would be on.  I mean, seriously, who are they kidding?  Nobody was going to watch the Oscars when The Walking Dead was showing a new episode at the exact same time.

I decided to flip over to the Oscars every now and again because I am a big fan of Seth MacFarlane.  Yes his humor is a little immature at times and juvenile but that is what makes it funny.  I get why so many people made a fuss over it being terrible.  They’re used to the Oscars being all stodgy and stiff.  Respectful, that is.  Seth called out these phonies on their phoniness and I found it amusing. 

After Walking Dead was over, I found myself watching the Oscars continuously.  My daughter came downstairs and asked me what show I was watching.  I told her the truth. 

I said, "This is a special event where people in the movie industry pat each other on the back and give awards to other people in the movie business."  

The only people who attend the Oscars – you guessed it, people in the movie making industry.  Everyone else there was either filling in empty seats when the actors or actresses were gone to accept or present an award or they were performing some sort of other service.

I really don’t get the Oscars.  I mean these clowns get paid millions of dollars to act, direct or perform some task to make the movie.  Do they really need to offer an award too?  It’s like saying, “Well yes we paid you an obscene amount of money already but just in case you aren’t satisfied, we are going to give you a big gold statue too.

I was just shocked to see that nowhere in the program was my name mentioned.  It was appalling that in their non-stop kissing of each other’s asses they couldn’t find one minute out of the four hours to give me a shout out.  Who cares about best adapted screenplay or original screenplay?  Where was my Oscar for best original post about nothing made between the hours of one and four a.m.? 

I was waiting all night for the Oscar for best actress in my life.  I figured I had that award in the bag.  I am by far the best actress playing me that has ever existed.  And my life is far more interesting than any movie up for Best Picture.  Pfftt... the nerve of these people snubbing me.

For that matter, I was yet again ignored at the Emmys, the Tonys, the Grammys, and the American music awards.  It would seem that the entire film, television, and music industry is ignoring me across the board.  I don’t understand why.

Sure I haven’t ever written some brilliant screenplay, acted in a movie or television show or even music video.  I’ve never produced or written or performed any stellar music.  I haven’t written a script for anything film or television related.  But that is beside the point.  I’m talented.  That should count for something.  

Where is my Oscar for most talented female occupying space on a couch surfing social media at all hours of the night while her dog, rats and cat sleep nearby and not currently acting in film or television, producing film, television or music or making music?

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