Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Sorry, I Can't Today, It's Raining

By JccKeith

Alright I was supposed to write a 3,5,10 list today because it’s Tuesday.  The problem was when I woke up today it was raining and of course that meant that I would be unable to write a top ten or whatever number list today.

I know that sounds completely ridiculous but I’ve actually had someone use the same excuse - that it was raining - to explain their inability to do something.  Had this person said they couldn’t work outside or paint their fence or mow their lawn, I might have bought the excuse but it was nothing so reasonable. 

You see, this person, told me that they couldn’t meet me as planned to pick up their son because they didn’t have gas money.  That’s all well and good but then they told me they didn’t have gas money because they didn’t get paid – because it was raining.  Does anyone else out there have an employer who gets away with not paying their employees for the prior week’s work – because it is raining? I highly doubt it.  But this person is known to come up with such lame excuses.  Some exes are like that.

Speaking of lame things people say, I can think of plenty.  My favorite is when guys I don’t know start up conversations with me with lame lines.  I mentioned this previously in my post on Unsolicited Conversations (My Rant of The Day: Unsolicited Conversation) but my focus today is a little different.  The conversations I’m talking about now are the ones where we laugh and chat about various topics like music or television or movies or people in general and find we have many odd things in common.  Like we’re both big MacGyver fans or we both prefer Netflix to regular primetime television or we’re both big science nerds, whatever.

It is during these few minutes of conversation that these guys say the lamest things.  Once establishing we have several things in common, they throw in some lame pick up.  They’ll say something like ‘You're so hot’ or 'You have such beautiful (insert feature of choice, eyes, lips, boobs, etc.) or ‘Where have you been all my life?’ or ‘Why can’t I find a woman like you?’  These lines wouldn’t be so lame if they occurred elsewhere or before I was married. 

You see, most of the conversations take place at a bar while I’m waiting on the bench a little ways from the men’s bathroom, waiting on my husband to return from said bathroom.  They also occur frequently while I’m sitting at a table at a bar waiting on my husband to return with our drinks.  That is why I say they only last a few minutes. 

It usually only takes that long before my husband returns and we laugh at the fact that this guy moved in as soon as my husband was out of sight.  That or if the guy is a little too persistent or annoying, I point to the several rings on my left ring finger to signal, in case he hadn’t noticed, that I’m married.  I find it hard to believe a guy could miss the rings to begin with.  There are five of them on the one finger, the engagement ring, the wedding band and two anniversary rings on either side of those.

As easy as it is for my husband and I to laugh off these random guys, and we do, part of me finds it far more than lame.  I mean what point is there in making comments about my looks or staring me up and down lustily?  Even if they didn’t see me with my husband or see my rings, why would I care what some guy thinks about the way I happen to look that night?  Why would that make me want to do anything with the guy?  

And the whole, ‘why can’t I find a woman like you?’ is ridiculous.  The truth of the matter is, there are hundreds of thousands of women out there just like me in the very ways they are interested in as far as interests, likes and even looks.  I’m 6’0 tall with blonde hair, blue eyes, curves and a nice smile.  Not so unique.  Even my physical attributes combined with my interest in science and eighties television shows is not all that unique.  Even those combined with my sense of humor are not so unique.

As much as I am an individual, all of the things about me that a person could learn in a few minutes worth of conversation and looks at a bar or wherever, are not what make me unique.  Those things one could assess from such an encounter are the things that really, make me more like everyone else. 

Not me and I would never
wear a dress like that
When I leave the house, especially when I go out with my husband, I am dressed in something I know I look good in and feel comfortable in.  My hair is fixed just so and made to look as though it took no time at all to get it to look that way but is oh so perfectly coifed around my head and face.  If I am out at a bar, I probably used enough hairspray and electricity with a curling iron and blow dryer to get it to look perfect that I have left an enormous, incalculable carbon footprint upon our fair planet.  My face and all of its natural freckles and flaws are concealed beneath foundation, powder, bronzer and blush.  My eyelashes are coated in mascara to draw attention to my eyes. 

For all intents and purposes, the me that the outside world sees, especially at bars or sporting events or wherever people gather, is just a pretty and painted version of me.  The conversations I have at these places or in any public place are smarter, funnier and very polite.  I, like most people, put my best foot forward so to speak in public.

But the truth, and the whole me, not just the best side, comes with a lot more bad hair days, a lot less makeup and a lot more emotion coupled with a little bit of baggage I carry around from various things in my past.  It also comes with the goofiness, the weirdness, the stupid jokes, the dumb mistakes and mishaps and of course a lot more love and forgiveness.
Very few people really get me.  I’m sure you are the same way.  You have your friends and acquaintances and those people you work with or see every day and they think they know you.  In reality, they don’t and probably never will.  They only see what you want them to see.

That is why I say these guy’s lines are lame.  They are lame because these guys don’t really know me and 99% of the time don’t want to know me.  They only want to see the person in front of them at the moment.  They just want certain parts of me.  The majority of people we encounter in life are like that.  They only see what they want to see.  

That is also what makes marriage and real friendships so special.  There aren’t any lame lines or lame excuses.  You never get an excuse like, ‘hey I can’t be there for you because it’s raining.’  Real relationships are based on truth, not just parts of it, all of it.  These are the people who have seen you when you’re sick and look like you were hit by a bus.  They know your good sides and your bad.  They’ve seen you lose your temper or act like a fool or get so drunk you say and do things you regret.  They know your strengths and your weaknesses and they don’t use either against you.  And the best part, is you know theirs.  They accept you, all of you, for who you are and you accept them, faults and all.

But on the bright side, I am a fairly honest person.  If I don’t like you and you ask me to help you out with something, I’ll just tell you right up front. “I’m sorry, I can’t help, because it’s raining.” 

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