Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Head like a Black Hole...

By: William G. Muir
What do you do when you don't know what to write? What do you do when you stare at a blank piece of paper and the words just will not come? Over and over again I write letters on the page hoping that they make some kind of sense, but they never do. Why do they not make sense? The letters appear to spell out words. The word seem to form sentences. The punctuation is all seems to be in the correct spots. I can see that I have formed what appears to be paragraphs. But somehow it just does not make any sense.

Frustration sets in as I delete what I have just written. I want so bad to be able to express my feelings, I need to get the thoughts out of my head and down on to paper. But sometimes I just don't know how to do that. Over and over again I try to figure out how to put the word together. My mind races through the thousands of different combinations of words that might express my thoughts in a comprehensible manner. Over and over again words are being arranged and rearranged. There just has to be a way to say what it is that I am thinking.

And then I realize I am not thinking about anything at all. My mind is a complete blank. Where once ideas had flourished there is nothing. All my creativity has suddenly disappeared and I am left standing on the edge looking directly into the void. It's as if my mind has become a black hole and no thoughts can escape its gravitational pull. I feel like my very soul has been sucked into nothingness.

I cannot, will not, let myself be defeated this way. I am a fighter and if I must go down it will be swinging. So I try to claw myself away from the event horizon that has stolen my very essences. One letter at a time I try and built my words. I try to gather enough words together to form a sentence. I use punctuation as the glue that binds those words into that sentence. And then I try an stack these sentences together to form a paragraph.

When the dust finally clears I take a look at what I have created. Once I had been standing on shaky ground but now the ground beneath my feet feels rock solid. I have done it. The words that I have written down are finally making sense. I can now breath a little easier because the vacuum that had once threaten to engulf my mind has now receded and the ideas once again flow freely.

My fingers begin to fly across the keyboard. They race to keep up with the speed at which my thoughts are popping in my head. Where only moment before I thought that I would never write a single word again, I now think that I will never be able to keep up with all the ideas that are flying in my head. 

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