Saturday, September 22, 2012

What THEY Said

“Anything you build on a large scale or with intense passion invites chaos.”
Francis Ford Coppola
By: Michala T.

When I was a child I wrote as a child. I had a child’s passion for whatever I was writing. I believed in magic happening all around me. No…wait. All that is just bull!

I was writing dark and depressing things from the time I was 10. My poetry consisted of death, dying, pain, addictions, diseases, and so many other things. Truly, there was no magic in my life. I had the drive to write what I desired to write but I don’t know if I had that intense passion needed to create something on a large scale.

When I was in eighth grade I was troubled by a lot of things and to get away from it all I wrote short stories and even novellas. But I still don’t believe I had the intense passion.

Coppola speaks of this chaos that one invites into their lives. I couldn’t agree more. Since beginning on the journey of writing my novel I have indeed felt that it was being done so on a more grand scale. I would walk away but always my passion for the characters and the story that needs to be told was ever present. And the characters do indeed bring about a chaos to my life that I’ve never before experienced. They talk to me, the ignore me, they yell at me. And my entire life seems to revolve around this story. That is sometimes very chaotic; especially when the voices outside of my mind are crying for food and clean clothes.

I feel as though I am playing tug-o-war with the things that exist outside and the things that exist in my story. I feel the urgings to write at times and then other times I must force myself to write. I cannot sleep sometimes days and days long because I have to write. I cannot succumb to sleep because I MUST write. And then I lay awake other nights pleading with myself to write the story and I can’t sleep for fear I will miss that ultimate scene that needs written.

I get hungry but I can’t eat because I need to write. But then I starve myself or over-feed myself at times when the writing does not come to me.

Truly…life as a writer is very chaotic. It is so much more so when you are building something big with a passion that exists that no one truly understands. There is nothing really more that you can do other than look like the loony person who is talking to themselves as they walk down the sidewalk.

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